Sliding doors...

I have been thinking about writing this blog post for a while, but for some reason I keep putting it off. Now after another week feeling under the weather, and with Valentine’s Day around the corner, I have decided now is better time than any.

A beautiful friend of mine came and surprised me in Paris earlier this year. It was such a special treat. She tricked me into thinking I was going to meet up with one of her German friends travelling here in Paris and I was more than pleasantly surprised when I saw it was her waiting for me at the metro station. She was there with her new German boyfriend (hence the reason I fell so easily to the surprise as she had texted me from his mobile number.) It was the best timing ever. It was so good to catch up with a friend that knows me from home and I was delighted to meet her new boyfriend.

It was the first time that I had seen her with a boyfriend that made her so happy. It in turn made me happy. Now this girl is gorgeous. She is one of those girls that you see walking down the street and you look at with wonder and more often than not a little jealousy. She is beautiful and she has never had a problem attracting a member of the opposite sex. She has however had a problem attracting the right guy. Earlier this year, before she had met her current boyfriend, she was pulled aside by one of her family members and told that she was living her life on the edge. When she told me this, my first reaction was ‘awesome! Sounds like fun’ however he didn’t mean it in a spontaneity for life kind of way, he meant it in a ‘tick tock’ way. He told her that if she didn’t hurry up and find someone soon she would be left on the shelf, hence the phrase ‘living life on the edge.’ 

At the time she was 32.

I was both shocked and appalled by this and it has stuck with me ever since. How could someone say this about her? And more importantly if it meant this for her, what about the rest of us who aren’t blessed with her stunning good looks?! I recounted the story to a much younger male friend in horror and his reaction was not what I was expecting. He basically agreed with her relative and said that he was already worried now that he was single and would be devastated if he was single at 30. *Insert punch in the guts feeling right there* 

He is 22.

So here I am at 30, single, having had no real serious relationship lasting longer than a few months. Whilst I am very happy in my life right now, I can’t help but feel a little concerned about this attitude towards single women in their 30s. The most serious relationship I ever had and possibly the only time I have ever been in love, was with my first boyfriend when I was 18. It was with this relationship I believe that I had the biggest sliding doors moment of my life.

For those of you that haven’t seen this Gwyneth Paltrow movie, the phrase ‘sliding doors’  is a moment in your life where a single circumstance can alter the path of your life dramatically. In Gwyneth’s case it was a small circumstance (missing her train) and they play out both scenarios in the movie as to how this has/could have a dramatic effect on her life.

I love the innocence of first loves, and this one was particularly like that. We got a thrill out of holding each other’s hands and gazing into each other’s eyes, yep the stuff vomit is made of. So imagine my dismay that I met this ‘boy of my dreams’ just months before I was heading overseas to work in the US. I dreamt my whole life to travel overseas and the second I graduated high school I put my university studies on hold for a year and planned my trip. Meeting a boy was not part of this plan, but I didn’t worry much about it, I was happy and it didn’t really hit me until the departure gate just before my adventure was to begin. I had loads of amazing friends and there were about 25 of them there to see me off on my big trip.

The second they called my flight I proceeded to have a meltdown. How could this be?! I just met the most amazing guy and now I was leaving him for close to a year to move to the other side of the world. Was this really what I wanted?! From that moment and for the next few days everything was a blur. My mum essentially had to drag me onto that flight. I was a mess, sobbing like a 2 year old who has lost their teddy. Devastated, wondering if I had made the biggest mistake of my life. After 2 days in Melbourne with my mum we were back at the airport again, this time for the big international flight. With eyes still red, we said our goodbyes and I walked through the big international departure gates. The second the doors closed behind me, I felt an incredible sense of calm. I knew right then I had made the right decision, making that exact experience my ‘sliding doors’ moment.

I truly believe if I had cancelled everything and stayed in Adelaide, I probably would have married that boy and I definitely would not have had the life I have had now. That one decision has led to the most incredible life anyone could ever ask for. I got to experience the US as a teenager, backpack around Europe, ride elephants in Thailand, trek mountains in Nepal, practice yoga in India, ride camels in Morocco, the list goes on and I wouldn’t change it for the world. However as a result I have spent most of my life as a single woman.

I have this saying about my life ‘Lucky in life, unlucky in love’ – it may sound depressing, but it’s not meant to be. It’s just how things have panned out for me. My sporadic love life has led to hours of entertainment for my friends and family. Including a comment from one family member that particularly stung when I told my 4yr old niece she would be my flower girl if I was ever to get married, to which the comment was ‘Yes, even if you are 24.’ Comments like these said in jest do stick and it cements the feeling that perhaps I am not the only one that believes in my personal statement! But as a good friend once said in response to this declaration, ‘That may be true, but remember, you only have to be lucky once.’ I make sure I remember that one as well.

So here I am at 30, still single and living in Paris. A city of romance and l’amour. I see loved up couples every day, sometimes it makes me want to vomit, sometimes it makes me smile. Since being here I have been very open to meeting people, both men and women. I have never met so many people off the internet in my life, but I have made some great friendships out of this and I do have the internet to thank. If you are a regular reader of my blog you will know I have dappled with French internet dating. It was been a real adventure and I have been on several dates. Most have been pleasant (with the exception of one, which is another story for another day) but nothing has eventuated out of them. I have always gone in with an open mind, even keen just to make a friend and more often than not I get the famous line ‘let’s meet up again’ – then they disappear off the face off the earth. I have been rejected so many times that I don’t even feel anymore. It’s been a humbling and ‘get to know you’ experience.

Often when I tell people about this (people being my friends who are coupled up) they always tell me ‘Don’t worry, you’ll meet someone, you just have to stop looking’ I swear the next time I hear that… Really?! People say you don’t meet someone until you are happy with yourself. I could not be happier. Look at my life?! I have the freedom to do whatever the hell I want and it’s fan-freaking-tastic. I am more than content with my lifestyle. I love me time, jeez if I didn’t I would have been in trouble a long time ago. It’s just sometimes, sometimes after a hard day at work, or on a cold winters day it would be really nice to have someone to come home to. A certain someone to talk to or just be with. Sometimes. I am human afterall.

Now just because I have these thoughts time to time doesn’t mean I need sympathy. If there is one thing that you can do that will piss of a 30-something-year-old single women, it is to feel sorry for them. I just haven’t met that right someone yet, but it doesn’t mean I am depressed. I mean I am writing this from Paris. It’s pretty awesome the things you can do when you are single.

It’s just sometimes you get between a rock and a hard place. Yes, sometimes I wish I wasn’t single and yes sometimes I do worry about still being single in my 30s. How could I not?! When society is reminding me every day that the clock is ticking and my beautiful friends are being told they are living life on the edge?! The best thing you can do if you are my friend, is just be my friend. Don’t give me advice about my love life unless I ask for it. I think about it enough without worrying about other peoples’ opinions or advice and even if I don’t meet someone and I spend the rest of my life single, it doesn’t mean I have been left on the shelf.