Dreaming into reality

My picture perfect Paris dream

I dreamed of living in Paris for a long time before actually moving here. I first laid eyes on the city when I was 19 years old. I had just spent 5 months living in the USA and was coming over to Europe for the second part of my adventure. I will never forget seeing the Eiffel tower for the first time and the feeling it gave me. This place was like a Fairytale, nothing I had ever experienced before and I fell head over heels in love. It wasn't until 6 years later I decided I actually wanted to live here.

I was living in London at the time and always had this strong yearning to live somewhere where English wasn't the native language. Logic should have lead me towards Germany, with 11 years of school German under my belt, but I was drawn to France. I don't really know what it was, but there was something about French that intrigued me. The language sounded so beautiful and that mixed with a city like Paris, to me, sounded like a match made in heaven.  Over 5 years the dream went from being a thought to a reality and I finally found the perfect time to leave Australia and jump on a flight to France.

So on a rainy day in May this year I finally arrived in Paris. I was jet-lagged & emotional but super excited to be here. I remember going for a walk from the hotel to a little bistro around the corner and ordering my first 'petit déjeuner ' I sat there for ages just watching the world go by and trying to absorb the fact that after all these years of dreaming, this was it, I was here, in Paris.

My first petit déjeuner

The first few days went by in a blur. I had work colleagues from Melbourne in town and I spent the evenings wining and dining in some of Paris' finest establishments with them. It felt all very glamorous  exactly what I imagined my life would be like. I had no time for jet-lag to take hold as I threw myself into my new life. By day 4 most people had ventured back to Australia and I was left to contemplate what I had just done. Not for long though as day 5 I jumped on a train to Bordeaux. Before I left Australia I had decided that it would be best that I spend a couple of weeks with a family somewhere outside of Paris to practice my French. At this stage, I figured after a couple of weeks I would be able to communicate, little did I know....

I will never forget the feeling I had when I arrived at the train station at Bordeaux. It was a mixture of fear, nerves and excitement. I stood there at the tram-stop with all my worldly belongings with no idea who I was looking for. As each minute clicked past, the more intense the feelings would become, until finally a friendly looking middle aged gentleman sheepishly walked up to me and asked 'Vous êtes Emma'? I managed a gentle 'Oui' to which opened up the floodgates to an onslaught in French.

I remember all the excitement draining out of my body and instantly being filled with fear. I had NO idea what this guy was saying to me. I started to panic. Oh God. What have I done?! The memories of the first few magical days in Paris vanished and the grim reality of my French slapped me in the face. I knew nothing. Anything I had learnt before I left in Melbourne was useless to me now as my mind was blank. All I could do was smile and follow the chatty French man who had taken my bags down the street away from the train station.

As it turned out, he only lived a 5 minute walk away, but it was the most painful 5 minutes of my life. What was wrong with me?! Why could I not remember anything?! As we walked into the house, he yelled out and 2 other people his wife and I presumed their 20 something year old son came out of nowhere. Overwhelmed doesn't even begin to explain how I felt. I followed them into the lounge room where they had put on an afternoon tea for my arrival. I sat there on the couch frozen. Scared that if I moved I would break. They all began chatting away and I sat there oblivious to what they were saying.

My dreams of learning French were over, this was it, I was now living it and reality felt like a slap in the face. I was filled with dread, maybe I had made a mistake?! How would I cope for the next 2 weeks?!! At that moment, my dream began to feel like a nightmare...