A year in 3 months

Photo by Rick Alarcon

I have officially been in Paris for almost 3 months now and while I can't believe how fast time flies, at the same time so much has happened and I feel like I have been here forever. It’s amazing how quickly we become accustomed to a new lifestyle. Being in Australia feels like a million years ago, but in the grand scheme of things it wasn't that long ago at all!

I am into week 13 of my Masters and it very much feels like it. I have assignments and exams piling up everywhere and am quickly remembering what life is like as a student. It has definitely been an interesting and humbling learning curve and a lot harder than I thought it would be. It may seem simple to some of you sitting in a classroom from 9-5pm every day, but I can assure you it’s not! There is so much to learn and my brain is completely overwhelmed! I love it though. I love the challenge, I love the people that I have met and continue to meet and the further I get into the course the more I realise this is exactly where I am supposed to and want to be.

My expectations of Paris were extremely low when I arrived. I very much didn’t want to be here and was certain my time here would not last. When I left I didn’t pack extremely well, leaving most of my winter clothes at home and I only bought travel insurance for a month. I figured that is probably how long I would last. I could take the money that I had saved and buy all those fancy treats that I had always wanted, a Burberry coat…, a Chanel handbag… (a girl can dream right?!), then fly home via the USA with my round the world airfare to continue and establish my life back in Australia.

Excellent plan.

Ha!

We all know what happens when we make plans right?!

Life happens.

I usually resist making a plan, as they tend to lead to disappointment when they fail to follow through, but somehow this time I had convinced myself this is exactly how it would happen, and I was wrong.

You see, I see myself as quite different to many people. Not in an ‘I feel more special’ kind of way, but more of an ‘I don’t fit into western culture’ kind of way. That might seem ridiculous, and trust me it feels ridiculous to type but I am not really sure how to describe it in another way. 

I LOVE it that I am Australian, that I had the privilege to grow up in such a richly blessed country, but I have never really felt like I fit in. I have never really wanted to live the Australian dream. When I am there I think that I want it, but as soon as I leave to venture off on my adventures and travels overseas, I realise more and more it is not the life for me, and that is exactly what has happened upon returning to Paris.

When I made the decision to return to Paris, I convinced myself that I was choosing between love and career. I was not seeing anyone in Australia, but I felt that if I was to move to Paris, it would be a career move and there would be no opportunity to pursue a relationship. I accepted the fact that and came to Paris in order to focus on my masters. 

Then life happened.

Within a week I met someone. Someone very different, who seemed to understand me. I couldn't believe it. We began to spend more and more time together and it seemed the more we spoke the more we wanted to share. It had the innocence of a friendship you would form as a child. A sort of, I like you, you like me, want to be best friends?! 

When we weren't together, we were texting. 

When we weren't texting, we were talking. 

If we weren't talking, we were sleeping. 

It was like nothing I had ever experienced. A deep connection and attraction wrapped all into one.

Then life happened again.

Almost as quickly as it began, it was over. It got complicated, other people got involved, things happened and immense pressure was placed on this new beautiful relationship. The innocence was lost and the bubble burst, leaving me feeling completely overwhelmed and spun around in such a whirlwind, I had no idea which way I was facing let alone process what had just happened.

So in the first 2 months, I found myself falling in and out of love. Just like that.

Who saw that coming?!

Certainly not me.

Now, I am here. Dusting myself off, trying to find my feet and refocus. It has been incredibly challenging. Between full-time school, work, old and new friendships, finding a home in Paris and then this, I have found I have been stretched to my limits. So much has happened in such a short space of time, its almost felt impossible to process. But I am here, and I have survived!

What is that overused saying?!

What doesn't break you makes you stronger?!

Sure it's cliché, but it's said for a reason!

So here I am, 3 months in, exhausted, but happy. Friendships have been tested, but the ones that count have survived. I have learnt even more about myself, which I didn't think was possible but if anything it has just confirmed what I already knew.

This is what Paris is to me.

It is a place that keeps you on your toes and challenges you in a way you didn't think possible and that is why I love it.

I have no idea what to expect over the next few months, I dare not plan! Instead, I choose to take the bull by the horns, hang on and enjoy the ride.