Life and Death

Yesterday morning I awoke to the news that a dear friend had been killed in a car accident. My initial response was despair. After little sleep I ran into my mothers room and burst into tears not being able to grasp what I had just heard. As the minutes whittled by, the tears disappeared and the shock set in. No. it wasnt possibly true. This is a sick joke. I just heard from him, not 4 days ago. And when I left London he made me promise through a unique pinky promise that I would be back in London in the new year so we could hang out. As the minutes turned into hours and the hours turned into a new day, thoughts of the little time we spent together flooded my mind. What if? What if?? but there is no what if. He is gone, and it wasnt until the death of one of my patients today that it suddenly hit me again. My emotions have been so unpredictable. I will feel numb, then every now and again of wave of emotion floods my body and I feel that I just have to sit down and take a deep breath for the fear losing control. So many questions ans emotions run through your mind when a young person dies. Anger and frustration high up the list. Why him? why now?? He was so full of love and life, and I truly believe I have never met anyone like him before. After 5 minutes with him you feel like you have known him your whole life. I know this not only by my own experiences, but with the outpouring of love by his friends on facebook. He was just special. I cant bring myself to write anything on his rememberance page as this will just cement the fact that he is gone. Instead I will write here. Lee. You were so loved by so many people. I have travelled to all corners of the globe and have rarely met someone with the spark and love for life that you had. I am so glad you were in my life, even for the short time that you were. Thanks for the conversation we shared in the park that one day after dancing. Thank you for making me believe that the world can be ok. Thank you for loving mat. Most of all, thank you for just being you. Run amok in heaven, dance up a storm. With all my love, rest in peace. xoxo